20 Things You Won’t Hear Me Say This Month

You’ll hear me say a lot of things this month.

There’s a good chance you’ll overhear me yelling at some crazy person on House Hunters that you can buy a stainless steel refrigerator and a can of paint at any Home Depot, you unrealistic idiot. Or my explanation to the police officer that rushing home to check-in exactly 24 hours in advance of a Southwest flight justifies 70 in a 30. You might even get an earful of me telling a waiter that Happy Hour 2 for 1 cocktails has another seven minutes so he should probably get hustling lining those gimlets down the table.

But September can also be a silent struggle. Maybe I don’t have my school year sea legs quite yet or perhaps it’s all of the new activities, routines, expectations and responsibilities, but it can render me speechless for a month that only has 30 days.

And so while you might hear me say a lot of things including expletives and requests for more wine, here are some things you’ll never hear me (or any of my friends) say this month.

1.) I’m really jazzed about this year’s school fundraiser and I think we’re a top contender for this year’s top prize!

2.) I’m having such an easy time finding appropriate and cool clothes for my tween girl.

3.) I wish school could start earlier in the morning.

4.) Carline didn’t make me feel like stabbing anyone at all today.

5.) I turned my permission slip and money in on time.

6.) My school lunches are so creative and fun to make they look like Jamie Oliver’s Pinterest board!

7.) No thank you, I’m cutting back on caffeine.

8.) No thank you, I’m cutting back on wine.

9.) I can’t wait for the first lice letter to come from the classroom!

10.) Yes, please allow Push Notifications for Facebook Messenger and Nike Fuelband.

11.) My car smells good.

12.) I’ve started my Christmas shopping.

13.) My kids love it when I comment on their pictures on Instagram!

14.) I’m thinking about letting my hair go grey.

15.) Hello? ** (**To any phone call with an unknown number on the caller ID)

16.) I just got back from an awesome spin class.

17.) I don’t need anything at the grocery store.

18.) Boy, that was a great night’s sleep.

19.) I hope the iPhone 6 has a different charger and cord than the 4 or 5…

20.) September is my favorite month of the year.

©2014 Tracey Henry


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