Sh*t Parents at College Orientation Say

Sh*t Parents at Orientation Say

Oh, I’m not one of those parents who coddles their kid, but I’m somewhat of a control freak.

Wait, what?

We have special circumstances in our family.

But my kid is different.

Your father will build that loft higher.

If she gets assigned to a community bathroom, we’re transferring.

Can you skip back to that last slide? I’m taking pictures of this entire presentation with my iPad to replay for my husband when I get back to the hotel.

When I was in school we didn’t have Facebook yet. You met your roommate on the first day of school and lived with whatever you got.

Wait, what?

He may be 18, but as long as I’m paying tuition, I should have access to his school email and conferences with his professors.

My kid is going to eat every single meal in the dining hall.

My kid won’t eat a single meal in the dining hall.

I’m pretty sure my daughter will place out all freshman classes. And sophomore. And junior.

I’m going to need you to print all of the emails the school sends you, okay, honey?

Where are the dorm cleaning products kept? My Johnny is a neat freak!

Who do I talk to about getting a higher housing number? We were downloading a particularly long Power Point email from her Aunt of “Awesome Photographs,” and weren’t able to login in time.

So is your son rushing? No, he’s Italian.

Do I get charged for parking when I come to visit my daughter and stay in her room overnight?

Do they have coffee around here?

Do they have wine around here?

I seem to have something in my eye, where are the tissues?


Sh*t Orientation Leaders Say

Great question! Now I’m going to repeat it back to you somewhat differently in answer form and throw some catch phrases in while not saying anything of interest and refer you to a website.

We encourage you to have a conversation with your student regarding ______________.

You can get more information about that on our website.

The tissues are right over there.

©2014 Tracey Henry


  1. Sounds like the same phrases from 5 years ago. Scary. I loved also when you had to learn the new Fight Song. I sat down in protest. But it will all be fine and so much fun!~

  2. Ahh. College orientation. Brings back memories and nightmares. All the other parents seem so desperate and all the other kids seem so much younger. You can only believe half of the statistics flouted, but it’ll still b an amazing experience. Because he’s Stevie. And he’ll do great. Now, pass the tissues, I’ve something in my eye.

  3. Brings back memories of working in student services at a major university, not so long ago.My job was to field calls from parents about orientation plans, testing and expectations. Answered a call from a mother standing in a dress shop somewhere in the USA and the conversation went like this.
    Mother: I am looking at a dress that would make my daughter look even more beautiful than she already is. She is a size 4, tall with red hair and blue eyes, a very striking and gorgeous girl.Do you think that there will be an event this upcoming year that she could wear it? She goes into details. It’s such a good buy on sale for $695.
    Me: I covered the phone and composed myself after giggling. She did not give me a chance to respond and said that she was buying it any way.

  4. Tracey!! I am headed to MSU next week with Kate for the student/parent orientation and will see all of this for myself soon. How did we get kids this old?! Seriously, seems like yesterday your Dad was setting up our lofts! Good luck with your transition.

    P.S. After making it through the 70s in her US History class, my youngest came home from school last week asking me why anyone liked Richard Nixon. Wanted to get you on the phone so bad! I did explain your side of things…the best I could remember it…and she was awestruck he had a fan. Really laughed about the poster in our dorm room, too. :-)

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