Sometimes my husband and I play this game where we try to up the ante on torturing ourselves and our family.
The rules are simple: we take a very innocuous activity, then we each add a detail to complicate and add another layer of anguish.
Our most recent round? Spring Break.
Me: Let’s take the kids to Disney World.
Him: Sounds good…
Me: But let’s drive instead of fly.
Him: I’ll see you a 14 hour drive and raise you by leaving at 11 pm and driving all night.
Me: Nice. I’ll see your all-nighter and raise you open beverages and melted chocolate all over the back seat.
Once we arrive…
Me: We have only one day of bad weather this whole week. Let’s go to a park.
Him: Done. I will leave all of the rain ponchos in the car in the parking lot.
Me: Perfect. I’ll make sure the girls wear brand new flip-flops that give them blisters.
Him: Good idea. I’ll make dining reservations at the fanciest restaurant I can find so we will be soaking wet and miserable when we finally eat at a ridiculous time of day.
Me: Be sure to request the air conditioning be pumped up so we all leave feeling the beginnings of a cold that we can fight off for the rest of the week.
Back at the hotel heading to the pool…
Me: Forget the sunscreen!
Speaking of hotels…
Him: I’ve planned out the dates so that we basically have to stay in two different hotels due to availability.
Me: Good plan. I’ve added 3 more excursions, so you’ll need to triple the accommodations.
Him: Awesome. I was just thinking how easy and unencumbered it is to pack, unpack and repack six people and all of our gear multiple nights.
Me: Well, at least there’s free breakfast!
Him: Make sure to get extra helpings of the poorly refrigerated yogurt and undercooked sausage patties.
The beauty of the game is that multiple people can play! My daughter takes her turn at 3:00 in the morning.
Daughter: Mom, I think I ate too much free breakfast. I just threw up all over the room.
Me: Is it called “Continental” because you’ve just projectile vomited far enough to reach Europe?
Him: Well, at least it happened in the middle of the night when there’s plenty of staff on duty to help.
After 2 hours of cleaning up with towels and individual size shampoo diluted in an ice bucket…
Me: So, how do we know when this game ends and who won?
Him: I don’t consider it over until we get asked to leave or lose a security deposit.
Me: The housekeeping staff should be here in a couple of hours so I think that’s game and set.
Him: Ah yes, but we still have 500 miles and three days left to this Spring Break.
Me: Which leaves opportunities for a couple more HoJo’s and a petting zoo!
Him: If I call my mother from the car on speaker phone in a particularly bad reception area, I think that’s match!
©2014 Tracey Henry