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| | Wondering about the Wondersuit |
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| | I love being a mother. Truly love it. But there is one day a year when I absolutely want to hide behind a full-night's sleep and the words, "I've never seen this iCarly...is it a television program or something?"
The annual shopping outing for a bathing suit.
Because for some cruel reason, manufacturers of this item of clothing seem determined to accentuate the not-so flattering physical attributes of motherhood and then market those spandex-y straight jackets as "Miracles." This suggests that it must take one to make a mother look good on the beach. And then, if that is not humiliation enough, they must then complicate the process so insanely, that you actually need directions posted in the dressing room.
No seriously. Here's a picture.
Any piece of clothing that comes with an instruction manual mounted on a 3-way mirror has pretty much failed its original purpose if you ask me.
But I suppose that since every year there's some new gimmick to "slim," "hide," or "shape,"--which logically we all know cannot physically happen on a garment that exposes every part of the body that's legal and is only 15 inches long--there is probably a real need for written guidance on how to wear it.
This year's fresh hell is the bathing suit with the shirred middle. It's gathered all over ball gown-esque to draw the eye directly to your womb. I can't imagine what this looks like wet, but I'm imagining manatee in Oscar de la Renta.
Another one of my mom-fav styles is anything with a hang-tag that promises to "look 10 pounds lighter in 10 seconds!" This is from the Miraclesuit® by Eddie Bauer. Something called "Miratex" apparently serves as Father Time's and Mother Nature's kryptonite.
And I wonder--not for the first time--if maybe one year the "miracle" swimsuit could be that it actually made me want to suit up to go swimming with my kids instead of drowning myself.
©2009 Tracey Henry
Tell me all about it. |
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 | I'm with you on the whole swimsuit thing.....do you think they have those directions in the mens dressing rooms?....no just let you big belly hand out and there are still women who think you are studly...life is so unfair....have a good Easter!!!!
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