|
|
| | I do all of my own stunts | |
|
|
|
| | SD's 1040 |
|
| | It's Tax time, and even Suburban Diva is not exempt from this painful activity. She is sitting in the rather nervous-looking accountant's office, spinning in his office chair while he pours through piles of her unruly paperwork.
Accountant: (Amidst a mountain of receipts.) SD, I don't think this "Diva Day Spa" charge is a legitimate medical deduction.
SD: If you would have seen my eyebrows that day, you would know that it was a bona fide medical emergency--they were beginning to impede my vision. (Resigning sigh.) Fine. Put that one under "church donation."
Accountant: What? Why?
SD: (Wistfully.) The Seaweed Wrap was a religious experience.
Accountant: (Clearing throat.) Let's move on. You have a lot of "writing expenses" that are, well, a little suspect. I don't think you can write off Tequila--no matter how much you go through it.
SD: It's like printer ink or toner; a liquid that helps the writing flow better.
Accountant: Yes, well, as true as that is, we can't claim it. This reminds me, you can't claim Jose Cuervo, Jim Beam or Jack Daniels as dependents on your return, either.
SD: Damn. I guess you'll have to take off Estee Lauder and the twins, Ben and Jerry, too.
Accountant: Now you may write off the computer as "office equipment," but I don't think the latte machine and High-Def flat screen tv fall under that same category.
SD: This is unbelievable. It's called research. Do you think I just pick this expert knowledge of useless pop culture from the air? Honestly.
Accountant: (Visibly shaking now.) How much of your actual house do you use as a home office?
SD: (Thinking.) While it's true that the computer, desk, files, phone and fax are in the spare bedroom; my real "creating" (mimes actual air quotes) goes on all over the house--especially in the hot tub. (Pause.) Can my bikini be written off as a uniform expense?
Accountant: Let's move on to your charitable deductions, shall we? Some of these may be red flags for an audit. I don't think the IRS recognizes gym memberships as a charity.
SD: Well, they should. Countless numbers of baby Spandex's are being saved as a result from my contributions to the treadmill every week.
Accountant: (Brightening slightly.) I am glad to see that you are claiming your housekeeper on your taxes this year, but I hasten to point out that this is not technically a charity, either.
SD: It's an environmental protection expense. Believe me, she's saving the planet each and every time she cleans under the boys' beds.
Accountant: And I don't think you can count your Blockbuster Membership as a "political contribution."
SD: (Indignant.) But I paid late fees on Fahrenheit 9/11! Are you sure I'm filing this return to the United States government and not Nazi Germany? (Falling back into chair.) Honestly, this is oppressive.
Accountant: (Heaving sigh.) All of these receipts to Macy's and Sax don't count either.
SD: What?! Most of those things I bought there were so trendy and illogical that I could only wear them once before giving them away!
Accountant: Brace yourself for this shocker, too, then. "Tax Preparation Expenses" does not include anything relating to Prada.
SD: (Beginning to weep.) Those shoeboxes of receipts I give to you every year are all designer brands…
© 2008 Tracey Henry
Happy Tax Day. Divamail me your woes at Divamail@SuburbanDiva.com.
|
  |
 | I'm on the floor laughing!!! Seriously too funny! That goodness April 15th is now behind us!
Posted by Natalie, 04/18/08, 02:15pm | | edit... ***THANK goodness***
Posted by Natalie, 04/18/08, 02:21pm | | Just more blahnik blahnik blahnik...
Posted by Bill, 04/18/08, 03:22pm | | Loved the eyebrow comment--any good accountant would've accepted that one!!
Posted by Laurie T., 04/23/08, 09:53pm | | Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to assert that I acquire in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.
| | I'm really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it's rare to see a nice blog like this one these days..
| | Christian Louboutin Uk might produce all sorts of boots and shoes like squeezes, shoe, baby sling supports and footwear
| | There isn't a vagueness in it that provided you can seem to obtain luxury goods then shoe or knocks out will likely be surly usually for your list
| | This can be a sweet giraffe bag! Extremely pleased. The fake synthetic leather is of proper good quality and appearance true. I fit this in this little bday want listing and was incredibly happily surprised at just how good it truly is. It is quite large - and also the main tote I unique.
| | Muchos Gracias for your article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Great.
| | Thanks a lot for the blog article.Thanks Again. Cool
| | Even though I truly like this publish, I reckon there was an spelling error near to the end from the third paragraph.
jordan sneakers for sale http://www.jordanretrosneakers.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 10/15/12, 06:41pm | | As a Newbie, I am always browsing online for articles that can benefit me. Thank you
www.michaeljordanshoesforsale.net http://www.michaeljordanshoesforsale.net/
Posted by Anonymous, 10/17/12, 09:30am | | buy cymbalta usa - cheap cymbalta canada, cymbalta and cancer
realjordanssale.com http://www.realjordanssale.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 10/17/12, 10:50am | | Incomparable Blog. I tot up this Blog to my bookmarks.Thanks allowing for regarding taking the time to examine this, I climate strongly yon it and fondness information more on this topic.
url http://www.mysolegame.org/
Posted by Anonymous, 10/18/12, 09:07am | | hello!,I like your writing so much! percentage we be in contact extra about your post on AOL? I need an expert in this space to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to look you.
jordan 5 fire http://www.ajordan5firered.com
Posted by Anonymous, 10/23/12, 02:24am | | ¡°I needed to recharge the actual page instances to see these pages for whatever reason, nonetheless, the data the following was well worth the delay.¡±
homepage http://www.ajordan12playoffs.com
Posted by Anonymous, 10/24/12, 04:47am | | Thanks for the blog article.Really thank you! Keep writing.
airjordan6-7.com http://www.airjordan6-7.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 10/25/12, 10:38am | | Appreciation for constructing and sharing this helpful content. It’s fulfillment to investigation composed composed composed articles articles or blog posts articles or reviews of worth. This type of incomparable boosting might actually conceivably be deemed a welcomechange.
http://www.youtube.com/ YouTube
http://www.christianlouboutin-redbottom.com/ christian louboutin
| | find miumiu,chloe,prada is too many type and you may have no idea about such many type. miumiu http://www.miumiusale-jp.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 02/03/13, 06:09pm | | find miumiu,chloe,prada ,Following a few latest visits here, even so, is becoming more and more chic. ?????? http://www.tiffany1837-jp.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 02/06/13, 03:57am | | find miumiu,chloe,Following a few latest visits here, even so, is becoming more and more chic. ??? ?? http://www.chloe-mall.net/
Posted by Anonymous, 02/18/13, 02:54am | | find ralph lauren,Next one or two most current visits right here, nevertheless, has started to become an increasing number of chic. ralph lauren shop http://www.ralphlaurenshop-de.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 02/22/13, 11:24pm | | locate clothings,Next some most popular visits below, even so, is starting to become ever more chic. maillot de foot pas cher 2012 http://www.maillotdefootparis.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 05/06/13, 06:42pm | | Many thanks for an amazing publish, may read your particular others posts. thank you your thinking on this, I soon became a lttle bit made an impact to by this article. Thanks again! You earn a good time. Has wonderful data here. I believe if more people thought of it doing this, they’d possess a better time period receive the hold ofing the matter. Nouveau maillot foot 2013 http://maillotdefootpascher2014.blogspot.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 05/08/13, 03:06am | | 850aRm Appreciate you sharing, great article.Thanks Again. Will read on...
| | Interesting write-up and a single which needs to be more extensively known about in my view. Your level of detail is very good and also the clarity of writing is excellent. I have bookmarked it for you personally so that others are going to be in a position to see what it is advisable to say. spaccio abercrombie http://spaccio-abercrombie.webnode.it/
Posted by Anonymous, 05/14/13, 04:23pm | | I simply want to say I’m newbie to blogging and definitely liked you’re blog. More than likely I’m going to bookmark your blog . You definitely have incredible writings. Appreciate it for revealing your website page. polo ralph lauren soldes http://poloralphlaurensoldes.blogspot.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 05/22/13, 06:31am | | Kh4vVc Hey, thanks for the blog article.Really thank you! Want more.
| | ntIdNY I really enjoy the blog post.Really thank you! Much obliged.
| | According to Reuters, a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2011 found that "The more aggressively a bank lobbied before the financial crisis, the worse its loans performed during the economic downturn -- and the more bailout dollars it received". Now, despite its former status as the basket case of Wall Street, Citigroup and its hired guns are welcome on Capitol Hill, weighing in on and even drafting bills -- like one the House committee signed off on earlier this month, exempting several classes of derivatives from a rule intended to prevent government insurance from backstopping risky trades.I won't dispute for one second the problems of a system that demands immense amount of fund-raisers by its legislators," said Representative Jim Himes, a third-term Democrat of Connecticut, who supported the recent industry-backed bills and leads the party's fund-raising efforts in the House. A member of the Financial Services Committee and a former banker at Goldman Sachs, he is one of the top recipients of Wall Street donations. "It's appalling, it's disgusting, it's wasteful and it opens the possibility of conflicts of interest and corruption. It's unfortunately the world we live in." christian louboutin pigalle
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:44am | | According to Reuters, a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2011 found that "The more aggressively a bank lobbied before the financial crisis, the worse its loans performed during the economic downturn -- and the more bailout dollars it received". Now, despite its former status as the basket case of Wall Street, Citigroup and its hired guns are welcome on Capitol Hill, weighing in on and even drafting bills -- like one the House committee signed off on earlier this month, exempting several classes of derivatives from a rule intended to prevent government insurance from backstopping risky trades.I won't dispute for one second the problems of a system that demands immense amount of fund-raisers by its legislators," said Representative Jim Himes, a third-term Democrat of Connecticut, who supported the recent industry-backed bills and leads the party's fund-raising efforts in the House. A member of the Financial Services Committee and a former banker at Goldman Sachs, he is one of the top recipients of Wall Street donations. "It's appalling, it's disgusting, it's wasteful and it opens the possibility of conflicts of interest and corruption. It's unfortunately the world we live in." michael kors outlet
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:45am | | According to Reuters, a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2011 found that "The more aggressively a bank lobbied before the financial crisis, the worse its loans performed during the economic downturn -- and the more bailout dollars it received". Now, despite its former status as the basket case of Wall Street, Citigroup and its hired guns are welcome on Capitol Hill, weighing in on and even drafting bills -- like one the House committee signed off on earlier this month, exempting several classes of derivatives from a rule intended to prevent government insurance from backstopping risky trades.I won't dispute for one second the problems of a system that demands immense amount of fund-raisers by its legislators," said Representative Jim Himes, a third-term Democrat of Connecticut, who supported the recent industry-backed bills and leads the party's fund-raising efforts in the House. A member of the Financial Services Committee and a former banker at Goldman Sachs, he is one of the top recipients of Wall Street donations. "It's appalling, it's disgusting, it's wasteful and it opens the possibility of conflicts of interest and corruption. It's unfortunately the world we live in." discount christian louboutin shoes
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:45am | | According to Reuters, a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2011 found that "The more aggressively a bank lobbied before the financial crisis, the worse its loans performed during the economic downturn -- and the more bailout dollars it received". Now, despite its former status as the basket case of Wall Street, Citigroup and its hired guns are welcome on Capitol Hill, weighing in on and even drafting bills -- like one the House committee signed off on earlier this month, exempting several classes of derivatives from a rule intended to prevent government insurance from backstopping risky trades.I won't dispute for one second the problems of a system that demands immense amount of fund-raisers by its legislators," said Representative Jim Himes, a third-term Democrat of Connecticut, who supported the recent industry-backed bills and leads the party's fund-raising efforts in the House. A member of the Financial Services Committee and a former banker at Goldman Sachs, he is one of the top recipients of Wall Street donations. "It's appalling, it's disgusting, it's wasteful and it opens the possibility of conflicts of interest and corruption. It's unfortunately the world we live in." christian louboutin sneakers
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:45am | | While visiting family and friends in Amman, Jordan last week after being away for over two years, I was constantly being asked about my observations on Amman, and whether it had changed since I was last there in October 2010.During the first couple of days, I would usually respond saying I noticed more traffic, and new construction here and there. A few days into my visit, things got clearer (I'm blaming the jetlag for my delayed observation). I noticed a change, a big one. Somehow, politically-divided Ammanites were united on one issue: Syrians.Last time I visited Jordan, the annoying term the "Arab Spring" was not even coined. So, fast forward two years, I would have expected to see change along these lines, but what I saw instead was not youth marching in the streets asking for reform (to the dismay of many D.C. think tanks), but rather Jordanian citizens who are increasingly becoming concerned about the influx of refugees from their war-ravaged next door neighbor.Citigroup was the megabank that received the most taxpayer assistance during the financial crisis, a fact perhaps related to the very same lobbying practices now being used to rein in regulation michael kors online
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:45am | | According to Reuters, a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2011 found that "The more aggressively a bank lobbied before the financial crisis, the worse its loans performed during the economic downturn -- and the more bailout dollars it received". Now, despite its former status as the basket case of Wall Street, Citigroup and its hired guns are welcome on Capitol Hill, weighing in on and even drafting bills -- like one the House committee signed off on earlier this month, exempting several classes of derivatives from a rule intended to prevent government insurance from backstopping risky trades.I won't dispute for one second the problems of a system that demands immense amount of fund-raisers by its legislators," said Representative Jim Himes, a third-term Democrat of Connecticut, who supported the recent industry-backed bills and leads the party's fund-raising efforts in the House. A member of the Financial Services Committee and a former banker at Goldman Sachs, he is one of the top recipients of Wall Street donations. "It's appalling, it's disgusting, it's wasteful and it opens the possibility of conflicts of interest and corruption. It's unfortunately the world we live in." red sole heels
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:45am | | According to Reuters, a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2011 found that "The more aggressively a bank lobbied before the financial crisis, the worse its loans performed during the economic downturn -- and the more bailout dollars it received". Now, despite its former status as the basket case of Wall Street, Citigroup and its hired guns are welcome on Capitol Hill, weighing in on and even drafting bills -- like one the House committee signed off on earlier this month, exempting several classes of derivatives from a rule intended to prevent government insurance from backstopping risky trades.I won't dispute for one second the problems of a system that demands immense amount of fund-raisers by its legislators," said Representative Jim Himes, a third-term Democrat of Connecticut, who supported the recent industry-backed bills and leads the party's fund-raising efforts in the House. A member of the Financial Services Committee and a former banker at Goldman Sachs, he is one of the top recipients of Wall Street donations. "It's appalling, it's disgusting, it's wasteful and it opens the possibility of conflicts of interest and corruption. It's unfortunately the world we live in." michael kors clutch
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:46am | | According to Reuters, a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research in 2011 found that "The more aggressively a bank lobbied before the financial crisis, the worse its loans performed during the economic downturn -- and the more bailout dollars it received". Now, despite its former status as the basket case of Wall Street, Citigroup and its hired guns are welcome on Capitol Hill, weighing in on and even drafting bills -- like one the House committee signed off on earlier this month, exempting several classes of derivatives from a rule intended to prevent government insurance from backstopping risky trades.I won't dispute for one second the problems of a system that demands immense amount of fund-raisers by its legislators," said Representative Jim Himes, a third-term Democrat of Connecticut, who supported the recent industry-backed bills and leads the party's fund-raising efforts in the House. A member of the Financial Services Committee and a former banker at Goldman Sachs, he is one of the top recipients of Wall Street donations. "It's appalling, it's disgusting, it's wasteful and it opens the possibility of conflicts of interest and corruption. It's unfortunately the world we live in." louboutin bianca
Posted by Anonymous, 05/28/13, 11:46am | | cheap red bottom shoes http://cheap-christianlouboutinoutlet4u.webs.com/ michael kors tote bag http://michaelkorstotebag2013.webs.com/
Posted by Anonymous, 05/31/13, 08:29pm | | While masks offer you exceptional safety, they could interfere with all the utilization of scopes, and in less expensive masks Buy combat gear http://www.airsoftpeak.com
Posted by Anonymous, 06/07/13, 04:55am | | You know I love your blog!!! maillot de foot http://maillotdefoot.lunette-desoleil.fr/
Posted by Anonymous, 06/14/13, 08:20pm | | SD's 1040 - Suburban Diva 7 days herbal slim http://www.leuaina.com/7-days-herbal-slim.php
Posted by Anonymous, 06/16/13, 04:14am |
|
|
|
