Rarely do I find myself speechless, but I do often find myself wordless.

Despite having approximately 250,000 words in which to choose from in my native tongue, I occasionally find myself searching for the perfect one in which to describe my suburban diva condition.

Periodically, the various English dictionaries add new words to reflect our ever-changing language. Often times, these words come from new technology, pop culture or even slang that has made it into our mainstream lexicon. But perhaps it's time to consider a new source; those of us domestic types who stumble across everyday yet neglected things and situations that merit a defined and registered word.

Therefore, I humbly submit my linguistic contributions for 2008 and welcome you to adopt them into your vocabulary as well.

Bounced: A used dryer sheet.

brope: What your eyebrows look like the day before a wax.

'dissfortune: The willful and reckless disregard of bad luck warnings in chain letters.

dressessment: Deciphering the dress code on an invitation that states, "festive Blues casual."

dubbedtitles: Knowing the entire dialogue of an animated movie only by sound as you have never actually seen the film, only heard it blare from the car's DVD player 488 times.

dyegraine: The physical phenomenon of actual hair pain after wearing a ponytail too long.

fattoo: The irreversible stretching of a once-fashionable tattoo over time rendering it unrecognizable after 20 pounds.

Graham Strapper Crust: The cookie/cracker/Goldfish coating that forms on car seat and high chair straps.

iSore: The various injuries resulting from the overuse of Blackberry's.

kiddy litter: The hardened Play-Dough pellets in the bottom of the pal.

Mardigraszy: When anyone over the age of 25 celebrates a national holiday as a drinking event.

McLube: The greasy residue on your fingers from a fast food wrapper.

phoblivion: The moment of absolute confusion and subsequent panic in a group of women when a cell phone rings and no one recognizes the ringtone because their children have taken upon themselves the particularly confounding task of changing the settings at will.

Raspukin: The almost mystical type knowledge of your child starting to get carsick. But only by 5 seconds.

San-fan: The frantic waving of hands to ward off the sting after you've applied liquid hand sanitizer.

telepathic marketing: Dreaming of infomercials when you fall asleep at night with the television still on.

thooze: The toothpaste globs in the sink.

treeceipt: The impossibly long, scrolling receipt that comes from the grocery store cash register after you've been ecologically asked, "Paper or plastic?"

Wiip: 1. What you do when your kids ask for a sold-out game system for Christmas. 2. What you do when you realize the price of the game system. 3. What you do when you realize the price of one game for the over-priced system. 4. What you do every night alone while your husband and children play the game system frantically.

ziplosion: What your dress threatens to do when you squeeze into one too small.

I think these serve a definite grammatical need, and intend to submit my application to dictionary authors across the globe.

Put in a good word--or even a ridiculous one--with folks at Merriam-Webster's, would you?

©2008 Tracey Henry

Divamail me some crazy words of your own! Divamail@SuburbanDiva.com. Sign up for free newsletters, contests and promotions at Sububandiva.com.