I'm breaking up with my cable company.

I've been a fool in this relationship, I see that now.

A year ago, I thought we were ready for a larger commitment, so I bundled our phone, Internet, and cable services all together. We'd been together for a while; I thought this was the next logical step.

And things were good. For a while.

He was such a gentleman in the beginning. He'd announce who was calling right on the TV screen so I wouldn't have to get up for the telemarketers. He was tidy--my bill was on one monthly statement rather than three. He recorded my favorite programs if I wasn't home to watch them and he'd always be there downloading big files at twice the speed as dialup.

And then this past fall, things started to change between us. Suddenly, he became very uncommunicative. For hours he wouldn't call or email. When I'd finally get a hold of him, he'd either put me on hold or schedule a service call and then call back and make excuses about how busy he was. Sometimes he was apologetic for the inconvenience, but mostly, he just lied. He spin these hurtful tales of coming over between 8-1 or 2-8, and then never show up.

My repeated calls of concern just seemed to fuel the distance between us. He'd promise to fix things, "I'll work on it," he'd say. "I'll even credit you a day's service on your next bill." Empty promises, all of them. It now took days for contact while I waited in silence with not even the distraction of an old sappy movie or an Internet chain letter to keep me company.

Was it me? I tried to think of my behavior to warrant such treatment. I paid my bill on time every month. I kept my cable box free of brush and debris. I subscribed to every freaking service he offered, even buying wasteful Pay-Per-View events just so I could win his favor. But in the end, I was doing all of the giving and he, the receiving.

I begged him, "Maybe we just took things too much too soon. Internet, cable and phone is a lot for one relationship to handle all at once." "Oh no, Baby, I got you. I'm digital, remember? With me, you can have it all!" he'd say, and then he'd whisper sweet fiber optic cable lines in my ear and I was hooked again.

Looking back, there was probably someone else. On one of the few nights my cable was working, I saw a commercial of him boasting of his huge customer base. It seems as though he was seeing half the county. 24 hour technical support will catch up with you eventually.

And so that last Saturday morning when I was working on a deadline and the server crashed along with my heart, I phoned him to tell him we were through. He transferred me to a technical specialist, but I was beyond counseling at this point. We argued for about an hour on my cell phone until my battery died because my digital land line was out as well. The dead line signified our union: silent, unfulfilling and completely control+alt+deleted.

Occasionally, I hear from friends and neighbors that still subscribe to his service of lies. They are still in the honeymoon period of introductory rates and free long distance. And of course, he's still trying to woo me back by leaving notes in my mailbox with offers to reconnect for free, but I think we're past that now. There is a new cable truck parked in my driveway, and we're doing fine. He's much more reliable; 86% of the time according to J.D. Power and Associates. I've also got a new phone and Internet company as well. I just think it's best if we see other people.

But hey, we've got a long browsing history between us. If you find yourself in my service area with more underground cable lines and an increased number of domestic support staff; call me.

You know the number.

©2008 Tracey Henry

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