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| | As seen in the New York Times (no, I'm not kidding) | |
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| | Recipe for Disaster |
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| | Recipe for Disaster:
1 Hormonal Pregnant Woman
3 kids under 12
1 pleading email from the Labrador Rescue Squad
*Photo of adorable 10 week old golden lab puppy for garnish.
Take all ingredients and toss generously into the car. Drive 2.5 hours until mixture has combined; adding tears if necessary. (Cook’s note: if made at the holidays, dough will be extra mushy.)
Upon arrival to shelter, dump mixture in front of soft baby pup and add a dash of puppy breath and faint whimpers whenever you attempt to leave. The dough will be very pliable now; be sure to ask for any impossible and previously unfulfilled requests at this moment before it hardens again.
Many hours later, after puppy has had adequate time to affix itself firmly to your heart strings, roll dough out on flat surface and place in pie dish. Trim away any excess time, cleanliness, sanity, and patience. (Discard excess promptly so you don't get tempted to nibble on the scraps later.)
Prepare filling: paper towels, carpet cleaner, Petco Visa, unnecessary toys (it will only eat your shoes anyway), vaccinations, fleas, some strange tail infection that costs thousands of dollars to treat on a surface area of a 9 pound puppy, Spongebob Band-aids for the kids’ miscellaneous scratches and nips, new sheets and a grave site for your old dog.
Bake in a hot oven for the next 15 years.
Before serving, repeat the following, "We're going to wait until things calm down here before getting a puppy."
Your steaming plate of crow should serve a family of 6. Serve slices of humble pie for dessert.
©2006 Tracey Henry
Divamail me and Jingle at Divamail@Suburbandiva.com.
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