I�m a little spaced out over this whole Pluto thing.

Personally, I don�t understand what poor, ubiquitous Pluto did to deserve such a demotion.

I mean, it�s not like this was a new application--the planet was in the solar system already. What would it really have hurt to let it stay in the club? It�s not like we had to make room on the roster for any other planets--dwarf or otherwise---unless the moon or Haley�s Comet were making bids that I wasn�t aware of.

And who was pushing for this removal, anyway? I must have missed that one particular online petition to impeach Pluto from its high office. Hard to believe, since I�ve typed my e-signature to more asinine causes over the years, but somehow this protest has missed my inbox. I also don�t recall any video footage on the SciFi channel of demonstrations in the streets nor letters to the editor in The Daily Planet.

I think this is a case of blatant discrimination. He never was the most popular planet--I can just see (not with the naked eye, of course) Mars, that war monger, bullying poor Pluto. Neptune constantly splashing him in the pool, and Uranus, well, he�s just an ass anyway. And I bet Mercury couldn�t wait to deliver the news of his expulsion. It can�t be easy being named after the god of the Underworld for Goodness sake. I mean, do you think Venus ever once went out for Cosmos with him in the�er, Cosmos?

I just don�t quite understand the timing; it just seems so unnecessarily harsh. Perhaps some intergalactic real estate appraiser traveled there in the last 400 billion light years and determined its frozen surface was not in fact beach front property, so it lost its current tax status. Don�t Grandfather clauses cross orbital lines?

I can�t help but wonder over the Universal implications of this action. Besides immediately outdating every text book and School House Rock episode, what does this mean for my horoscope? I am not sure what role this planet plays in the Zodiac, but maybe Pluto influences gas prices�what happens when it permanently goes retrograde? A gallon of gas may cost as much as Plutonium and be as difficult to obtain. And where does a disenfranchised planet go? Does it find a black hole somewhere out in the desert? And what exactly will My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine of? (it�s a mnemonic device, I�ll give you a minute. Take your time.)

Well, on behalf of at least one Earthling, I believe that science made an egregious error today. When our paths cross again--every 248 years--please know that you�ll always be a star in my eyes.

And I still won�t understand what exactly put Pluto in the doghouse.

�2006 Tracey Henry